Unfit Diaries - 9

We went. We swam. We had an absolute blast.

I arrived in Istanbul via Dubai (yawn) to be met by the lovely (and very efficient) Kate. Thank goodness because if it wasn't for her, I'd probably still be trying to find my way to the hotel.

She guided me (as one would an elderly spaniel with cataracts) through various modes of transport and aromas of body odour - personal space isn't big in Turkey – to our hotel, the Askin.


Our hotel room, which was designed with pygmy tourists with no luggage in mind, was fine and, apart from floor space, had what we needed. It was in the old quarter, right next the Blue Mosque and within walking distance to the few sites that I could get to in the day I was there.

That afternoon, after introducing her to my travel companion Arthur (more about him later) we tottered off to Justinian's cisterns. What an amazing feat of engineering! It always amazes me how those in them olden days spent so much time and creativity on even the most functional items – Shanks should take note.

Afterwards we walked through the streets trying to find a hotel with a roof terrace. We eventually found one after having been cajoled into looking at 5 000 menus at the ‘best food in Istanbul’ restaurants. As we sipped our cocktails overlooking the Bosphorus I couldn’t help but notice how gigantic Istanbul is. We laughed. The waiters were hot. 

For dinner we went to a charming restaurant that had about 2 000 lights. We laughed. The waiter flirted with Kate. Then it was off to bed in the tiny room where I'm sure I snored. Sorry.


The next day we flew to Dalaman and a night at the motel Berc (Turkish for cockroach?) where Kate and I were shown to our deluxe suite next to the tree in which they hung the mops and cleaning cloths. However, the beds were comfy and the aircon worked so all was good.  Kate was happy she didn’t have to sleep in the same bed as me again. I was happy she showed me how to work free wi-fi. We couldn’t work out the solar geyser and by the time Mustapha got to fixing the hot water ("it's coming now, you see") the midnight prayers were sounding. Just as we lay down, the birthday girl and the rest of the swimmers arrived.


We sat on the ‘terrace/passage way’ and ordered drinks from the bar, which, appropriately, was being propped up by had the mandatory drunk English couple who showed us why they weren’t contenders in Strictly Come Dancing or Idols.

We laughed and the waiter wasn’t so hot but it was great to meet everyone. I had a good feeling about the following week. And I wasn’t disappointed.