Sing a song of Zumas
A pocket full of wives
Four-and-twenty tollgates all wrapped up in lies
When the gates were open
And money flowed on in
Wasn't that an Austrian dish to set before the king.
Tuesday 26 November 2013
Friday 8 November 2013
The Unfit Diaries 13 - The Med it ain't
Been there, swum that, got the t-shirt (XL).
Because the whole swimming world had decided to do the swim (the first of the season), the only accommodation left was a campsite in Bakgatla. (Did they just use the Afrikaans words 'bak' and 'gat' and then add an 'la' to make it sounds ethno? Mmm.) The morning dawned clear after a late-night shower but quite noisily with Riley and Robin being chastised by their parents loudly and repeatedly.
After successfully avoiding the ablution blocks (I'm too old for sharing open loos), we herded the teenage cats and a sleepy Danny cat into the car, packed goggles, towels, snacks and set off through the Pilanesberg. And, sod's law, we saw everything - baby jackals, an ellie right next to the road, rhino etc but we couldn't stop longer than for a cursory glance as we were on a mission.
The lawn was already a hive of activity with bodies of all shapes and sizes getting numbered up and sun screened up all over the place. I couldn't get over how many people were there - we were literally sitting on the lawns cheek by jowl - some of which were not very nice to look at - the jowls especially.
I must say that when I saw the course I was pretty intimidated. It looked so very far and felt that my training had been pretty inadequate. All too soon it was time for the white caps to get into the (cold) water and wait for the starter's gun.
Bang! And we were off. The water churned as if there was a school of piranha attacking a two-day old dead cow. I don't know if someone told the old biddies there was a cup of tea and a cucumber sandwich at the finish but the savagery with which they attacked the water was quite intense.
By the time I could put my head in the water safely, the water was pretty gruesome. You couldn't see more than about a metre and I suppose, in retrospect, that was probably a good thing. It was quite difficult getting into any kind of rhythm as you were either swimming into someone or someone was trying to swim over you. I soon gathered there were no niceties when it comes to open water swimming - unless perhaps you are Sam or Cameron and you have armed guards beating off the opposition.
We passed the first buoy and set off on the long swim. I moved over to the side to escape the insanity and soon was swimming in calm waters. How nice I thought to myself. Open water, the sun warm on my back, I was feeling good. This carried on for a while until I decided to check on where the next buoy was. To my horror I discovered the reason for the open water. I was so far off course I may as well have been in my own race. Cursing, I had to make a 90° turn and swim back to the rest of the biddies. As I reached them things took a turn for the worse.
The green caps of the girls 13 and under were coming through the field and with no respect for their elders, they mowed a swathe through us leaving a pod of white cappers gasping and spluttering.
I was very well behaved until I saw the finish. The little shits in the green caps were behaving as though I was one of their rivals in a catfight for the attentions of the rugby captain and I started to kick like I was warding off an attack from a great white and thrashing my arms like there were bees in the water. I think the only thing that I succeeded in doing was looking like a dork or a drowning wildebeest.
(Time was 41 mins, place was 24th in my category - I was well satisfied.)
Because the whole swimming world had decided to do the swim (the first of the season), the only accommodation left was a campsite in Bakgatla. (Did they just use the Afrikaans words 'bak' and 'gat' and then add an 'la' to make it sounds ethno? Mmm.) The morning dawned clear after a late-night shower but quite noisily with Riley and Robin being chastised by their parents loudly and repeatedly.
After successfully avoiding the ablution blocks (I'm too old for sharing open loos), we herded the teenage cats and a sleepy Danny cat into the car, packed goggles, towels, snacks and set off through the Pilanesberg. And, sod's law, we saw everything - baby jackals, an ellie right next to the road, rhino etc but we couldn't stop longer than for a cursory glance as we were on a mission.
The lawn was already a hive of activity with bodies of all shapes and sizes getting numbered up and sun screened up all over the place. I couldn't get over how many people were there - we were literally sitting on the lawns cheek by jowl - some of which were not very nice to look at - the jowls especially.
I must say that when I saw the course I was pretty intimidated. It looked so very far and felt that my training had been pretty inadequate. All too soon it was time for the white caps to get into the (cold) water and wait for the starter's gun.
Bang! And we were off. The water churned as if there was a school of piranha attacking a two-day old dead cow. I don't know if someone told the old biddies there was a cup of tea and a cucumber sandwich at the finish but the savagery with which they attacked the water was quite intense.
By the time I could put my head in the water safely, the water was pretty gruesome. You couldn't see more than about a metre and I suppose, in retrospect, that was probably a good thing. It was quite difficult getting into any kind of rhythm as you were either swimming into someone or someone was trying to swim over you. I soon gathered there were no niceties when it comes to open water swimming - unless perhaps you are Sam or Cameron and you have armed guards beating off the opposition.
We passed the first buoy and set off on the long swim. I moved over to the side to escape the insanity and soon was swimming in calm waters. How nice I thought to myself. Open water, the sun warm on my back, I was feeling good. This carried on for a while until I decided to check on where the next buoy was. To my horror I discovered the reason for the open water. I was so far off course I may as well have been in my own race. Cursing, I had to make a 90° turn and swim back to the rest of the biddies. As I reached them things took a turn for the worse.
The green caps of the girls 13 and under were coming through the field and with no respect for their elders, they mowed a swathe through us leaving a pod of white cappers gasping and spluttering.
I was very well behaved until I saw the finish. The little shits in the green caps were behaving as though I was one of their rivals in a catfight for the attentions of the rugby captain and I started to kick like I was warding off an attack from a great white and thrashing my arms like there were bees in the water. I think the only thing that I succeeded in doing was looking like a dork or a drowning wildebeest.
(Time was 41 mins, place was 24th in my category - I was well satisfied.)
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