Wonderful world of wildlife

On my walk with the dogs this morning, it was just light enough for me to see, through the mist rising off the dam, a Purple Heron sitting perfectly still. It was a wonderful picture but as I took a few moments to take in the magical scene, I wondered if birds or animals were actually doing what we thought they were doing. So if you could start reading in your best David Attenborough voice, here goes…

David: And here, on the banks of this urban dam, we see a Purple Heron, Ardea purpurea. Using the early morning mist as camouflage, it’s patiently hoping for an unsuspecting Oreochromis niloticus to swim within striking distance. Then, with a lightening fast strike, it will insert its beak into the body of the fish, killing it instantly.

Purple heron: Crap, it’s so cold this morning I can hardly move.

David: This has to be one of the most spectacular sights on our planet – the annual migration of millions of plains antelope across the Serengeti. Over millennia, this primal instinct is as regular as a porcupine on a high-fibre diet. Majestic. Unbelievable. It’s an incredible display of nature battling the elements.

Zebras: Foooooooooood!

David: In an elaborate greeting, the lesser Flumber bird of Borneo shakes its head and rolls its eyes to show it’s not an aggressor and that it understands its place in the sophisticated hierarchy dominated by elder matriarchs.

Flumber bird: Hey Bob. You don’t understand what’s going on in my head right now. I’m hanging so badly – I’m never doing jungle juice again. Ever.

David: In a life-and-death struggle, these two kudu bulls are using every ounce of their strength to overcome the other. To the untrained eye this is a tussle for superiority and perhaps, even, the right to mate but it’s more than that. The horns, curved and majestic, when knocked together make the sound of G sharp, warning other competitors, in no uncertain terms, to ‘stay away’.

Big kudu: It’s easy. Say ‘uncle’ and you can have Doris.

David: And, in what is the most important time in any animal’s life, the male marmoset must show his female that he’s worth enduring the prolonged and utterly boring mating procedure that involves a curious spitting ritual and the unnecessary flaunting of his inflamed eyeballs.

Marmoset: OMG that curry was hot!