Teenagers

Really?
I can't see the upside to being the parent of a teenager. Maybe there is a lesson and we have to understand the lesson before we know it's a lesson - but I'm buggared if I know.

whatever. totally.

Dog Mail

Dogs.

They say that the sniffing is like them going to the post to get mail - more often than not in their case, tree mail.  If that is the case, what are the messages they are receiving?
Sniff, sniff - poor Roger - high uric acid again I see.
Sniff, sniff - that Pebbles and her gall stones.
Sniff, sniff - crikey - Buster needs to see a vet.
Sniff, sniff - I can't believe that bitch Fifi is pregnant again!
Sniff, sniff - %$#@$% which idiot gave Monty asparagus?

Frozen Sky

The cold north wind they call La Freeze

Is playing havoc with my knees,

O.B.’s is causing damage to my liver.

I wish I had a hot latte

To try and get this cold away,

‘Cause winter’s here and summer’s fokken over.

And even the power has packed up and gone,

So it’s full panties, not a thong,

And bar heaters are such a con; I have to cry,

I’ve got such freezing thighs

But thermal undies warm me through the night,

I swear it’s true – I think the end is nigh,

Curry here, curry now, oh for some yummy Thai

But all I am eating is cold cottage pie...

with deep apologies to Chris de Burgh (Lonely Sky)