Senior moment

Mother: Oh darling, your Oros seems to be off! I do wish you wouldn't let your stuff go bad, it's such a waste of money.
You: Oros can't go off...the tartrazine levels are such that it would survive a nuclear war... the cockroaches will be enjoying cold Oros in the apocolypse.
Mother: Well, it has... it's very bitter - you children are very wasteful.. oh wait I bought tonic water instead of soda."
You: Sigh.

Oh darling!

I’m of a generation where our parents, well mothers, appeared to be very interested in maintaining certain standards. All the good stuff like, saying please and thank you, standing up when older people walk in the room, smiling at old people and, of course, ensuring your underwear were always in a respectable state.

I was recently reminded of this insane quirk when the state of my underwear got to the point that they were only held up by sheer willpower, and I could just hear my mother saying, ‘Oh darling, you must have good underwear… I mean... what would happen if you were in an accident?”

I’ve never understood it. I mean, we have all watched enough episodes of Grey’s Anatomy or ER24 to know that you’ve never, ever heard a conversation along the lines of:

Nurse: ‘All surgeons to the ER there’s been an accident. Multiple victims.’

Paramedic: ‘Young girl, about 14, fractured arm, lacerations on the upper armpit, constipation and trouble breathing.’

Nurse: ‘20mg of methylethylbroximytosis, 2 vials of lamb’s blood, set up an IV with laxatives and extract of cabbage. Stat. And get me a … oh my god it’s worse than I thought…

Doctor: What is it nurse? Internal bleeding?

Nurse: ‘No. Underwear with loose elastic and what looks like a tear in the gluteus maximum region.’

Doctor: ‘Migod! What was the mother thinking? Of course, now we’ll have to judge her and possibly even refuse to operate.’

Nurse: ‘It's in the rules, you don't have to diagnose or even operate... move on... I think we have a young boy with a broken leg and some marginally soiled but in-tact boxers in the next cubicle.’

#Justsaying.